We’re a tiny, overstretched business and we don’t have the time or energy to do anything nefarious with your data. It’s not that we’re not evil – we’re as corruptible as anyone – we’re just too tired to think up a malevolent plot to steal your identity.
We collect and store the info we need to provide you with the service we offer you.. We occasionally stalk you via LinkedIn or Facebook adverts. That’s really it.
We use the services of Experts in the scary bits like Data Storage and Accounting so you are not at the mercy of our knowledge or expertise there!
Stalky Visitor Tracking
We do not currently use Google Analytics, Facebook Pixels or AddThis but when we do we will update this policy!
DATA!! It’s all about the data, baby. A literal fuck-tonne of petabytes whirring around the world and what? What’s it all for? WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN? What will future historians actually see of us and our slowly collapsing society? So. We store your data in a few different places and use it in a couple of different ways. You ready for this?
Here on this website! If you register on the site we will store your name and email address. If you use our services, make a booking or obtain a formal quotation from us we will store your name, email address, postal address, phone number if you give it to us, and booking history. This is held on a secure Cloud based Database called Connectably .Your details ARE NOT held on the site. We obviously go to the maximum effort to keep this data secure and constantly looking to improve on our already tight security.
We’ll be honest: we do absolutely nothing unsurprising or radical with your info. We use your contact information and history to target you with ads and marketing for stuff you might like. For e.g. if you book Speakers with us, we’ll occasionally ask you if you want to book more! If you’ve asked for a quote on for providing talent, we’ll occasionally ask you if you want to get any more quotes on other talent. Does that make us EvilMegaCorp? Idk, it’s fairly standard isn’t it?
Newsletters! We have used Mailchimp previously. They are (allegedly) GDPR compliant. We are currently in the process of rebuilding out Mailing list in a ground up GDPR compliant manner and are seeking positive opt-ins from subscribers. You can unsubscribe from emails at any time by hitting the unsubscribe button or replying directly saying Unsubscribe, Opt-out or similar and we will remove your details.
Zapier! This is the go-between between our database and some third party services. Your name, email address and telephone number may travel through this system on the way to our other systems. In some instances your data may be held in the logs.
When you pay us, you will either pay through the BACs system via your bank, GoCardless or Stripe. The only payment related details we hold on our database is how much you’ve spent/paid, the rest is handled through Xero, the bank, GoCardless or Stripe. We have no bank or card details or nada here. Xero, Stripe and GoCardless are aiming to be GDPR compliant.
Email Marketing Thingies and Newsletters
If you sign up to our newsletter, we will send you a newsletter – generally around once a month, but occasionally more (two max) if there is more interesting stuff to tell you. You can unsubscribe at any time by clicking the unsubscribe button in every email or replying directly saying Unsubscribe or 'Opt-out'. Your name and email address are stored securely in our database Connectably and currently Mailchimp.
If you ask for a quote or availability on Talent or book a client, we will send you emails about the booking or information around it. The frequency of which depends on the booking.
Mailchimp and our database automatically adds tracking things to links so if you click on a link WE KNOW. If you open an email WE KNOW. If you ignore us reminding you to be writing WE KNOW.
The most important thing about this is we have neither the time nor inclination to actually look at or do anything with these stats.
Your Right To Be Deleted
FINE F*CK OFF THEN WE DON’T CARE. If you want to go undercover, just chuck us an email at email@example.com and we’ll delete all the info we have on you from our systems while having a passive aggressive huff about what we could have possibly done wrong.
This does not include GoCardless and Stripe. If you want to delete your GoCardless or Stripe accounts you have to do that yourself via GoCardless or Stripe. We cannot delete your purchase history because the taxman will be terribly upset. We also need to retain emails related to contractual terms, draft and final contracts for our and our clients' accounting purposes. But we would stop emailing you nice photos of people from Harry Potter and links to exciting new Podcasts.
Social Media and All That B*llocks
We use social media a lot, partly to promote our talent, events and work but mostly as a vehicle for our creative picture collages and witty puns. If you talk to us in our Facebook pages, Instagram Profile, Twitter Profiles and we think you are fabulous, we might find you on said platforms and say hello. You can ask us to be less friendly if you wish and we will of course respect your boundaries.
You are not required to follow our social media accounts and we won’t ask our employees to temper themselves in the service of us. If they turn out to be racist, bigoted dipshits then we wanna know so we can tell them to go to hell.